[Image Description: Background is several triangles in a circle like a pie alternating from true red, scarlet and black. A robin is sitting on his perch looking to the right.
Top Text: ““STANDARD SIZE” IS NOT AN ACTUAL MEASUREMENT (EXCEPT FOR MATTRESSES)”
Bottom Text: “MEASURE YOUR SHIT BEFORE YOU COME INTO THE STORE”]
The eternal curse of working at a fabric store:
Customer: Uh, yeah, I have a [whatever] I need to cover. How much fabric will I need for that?
Robin: Well, how big is it?
Customer: Oh, it’s standard sized.
WRONG. YOU ARE SO WRONG IT IS NOT FUNNY. Unless you are talking about mattresses or pillows, there is no such thing as a “standard sized” anything. Shit comes in all different sizes. Even things that are supposed to be a standard size (like doors or windows) are usually off by an inch or two (which can hugely fuck up your project if you don’t estimate the fabric correctly). So if you come into my store looking for fabric for projects such as
- slipcovers for couches
- lawn chair cushions
- clothes for any doll
- clothes for any human (Telling me “Oh, it’s for a 6 year old.” tells me nothing.)
- clothes for any animal (Telling me what breed of dog it is tells me nothing.)
- a cover for your totes rad sports car
- replacing all the vinyl in your totes rad boat
- backdrops for photography projects
- tulle hammock-esque slings for dangling babies from trees for faux Anne Geddes photography projects (???? and HOLY BALLS DANGEROUS)
- reupholstering a wingback chair
then, for the love of all the gods you do or don’t believe in, MEASURE YOUR FUCKING SHIT BEFORE YOU COME INTO THE STORE. Alternatively, if you have a sewing or quilting pattern, READ INSTRUCTIONS ON THE FUCKING PATTERN BEFORE YOU COME INTO THE STORE. I CANNOT HELP YOU WITH YOUR FABRIC IF I DO NOT KNOW THE DIMENSIONS OF WHAT YOU’RE MAKING. TELLING ME WHAT YOU’RE MAKING WITHOUT GIVING ME ANY INDICATION OF THE SIZE MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND JUST WASTES EVERYBODY’S TIME.
Bonus points: If you want to be really awesome and not a tedious time-suck, do the math to figure out exactly how much fabric you need (or have a friend or family member help you) before you come into the store (Because seriously. Do you see that line stacking up behind you while I do your math for you? Those are all the customers that you’re pissing off because you didn’t get your shit together before you came into the store. You’re lucky I can do math pretty quickly and it’s not taking as long as it could otherwise.) My job is to give you supplies for your project, not plan it out for you. I have way too many customers that I have to help and not nearly enough time for me to do that.
If you come into a fabric store knowing exactly how big the thing you’re making is and exactly how much fabric you need, then you are a perfect fucking angel and may the universe bless you with unicorns and money.